smooth like a dolphin

There is no way to say this delicately, but it has to be said.
I wanted to have all my hair ripped off pre-wedding. Yes, all of it. I wanted to be smooth and aerodynamic, so that should I need to fly or swim faster than someone else, I would have an edge.


if challenged to a slip 'n slide contest, I'd totally rock you

I've mentioned this before, but I'm a pierced freak. I have holes in places that don't belong, and probably ones that you can't even imagine. I needed to find someone who was comfortable working... around... them. And someone who made me feel comfortable, because let's face it, you don't want anyone near your "bathing-suit-area" that has bad bedside manner. I just didn't need a horrified face looking at my robo-crotch reminding me of exactly all the things I probably should never have done.

This is how I found my hair-removing goddess. She spoke to me on the phone about being comfortable around piercings, that I could come in and we'd just work around them and then make a decision about how to deal with them in the future. She was so comforting and so gentle, and as it turns out I have a high tolerance for pain, that we just went for it on the first day!

It doesn't hurt that she's basically across the street from me. Even if you're not a special needs freak and you're just looking for someone to trust with a good brow wax... or perhaps the wedding is the excuse you needed to get your future husband's "fur vest" removed, Ellen Olson is your girl.

Don't look at me like that, I know you've thought about waxing the man! C'mon, even the uni-brow he's sporting? Maybe just that stray brow hair that you're dying to pluck out, but he's too light of a sleeper for you to do it without him noticing? Call it a "couples bonding" event.

Ellen Olson Esthetics
580 Grand Avenue
Suite 213
Oakland, CA 94610
510.268.9500

I vowed to share my candy, but I haven't.

Despite the rain the day before, it actually turned out to be a gorgeous, cloudless day .. and we had to break out the parasols and fans for everyone!




Apparently, I look really sad/angry on my way to the aisle from the almond trees. I'm shy and generally dislike being looked at, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I also went down really fast, I figured no one wanted to stare at me walking for 20 minutes, so I went down as fast as I could without falling. Thankfully, once I was almost to the end, I started laughing and smiling because of my friends and seeing Mr. GB, so we did end up with one non "dear god, this is horrible, grrrr" photo of me.



The vows went quickly, we had asked our friends to write vows for us, so neither Mr. GB nor I had read them before we said them. I ended up having to vow to share candy and leave closet space for Mr. GB. Mr. GB got off easy, he only had to love me and take care of the puppies. Sharing candy is like ripping my fingernails off, so I still don't share with him and I have no shame, no remorse.

Mr. GB's ring went on easily. Mine on the other hand, took me squatting down in an unfeminine way and ramming that thing on as hard as I could. I never said I was elegant or graceful.


We kept the ceremony to about 15 minutes. We were determined to keep the formalities at a minimum... besides, I was ready to eat some cake! Did I mention the cake was amazing??






I still don't intend to share my candy. Ever.

Agent Provocateur Sale!

Yea, I know, I spend too much time looking at their website. But if you're looking for the perfect bridal set, just something for your honeymoon... or because you are narcissistic and want to look at yourself in the mirror in hot lingerie, check out Agent Provocateur's Online Sale!

Agent Provocateur

I really think they should be sending me kick-backs at this point.

Hi, my name is Mrs. GB and I'm an addict.

I've been trying to ignore it, but it's impossible.
I knew this would happen.... I'm obsessed with wedding planning.

Admittedly, I was the one who adamantly did NOT want to have a wedding, being forced to have an intervention from Mr. GB and my mother about how I HAD to have one or I'd regret it... I knew why. Because if I let myself start looking, I'd never be able to let go. I can't stop myself from staring at wedding website, blogs, photographer links, beautiful designs and thinking how I could integrate that into a gorgeous wedding. Dreaming up DIY projects and thinking up themes that are different and interesting only to looking down at my left hand and thinking "dammit, I'm already married. $(#)!@#!!"

I do have a friend who is getting married next year and doesn't want to plan it, so I'm getting my planning fix vicariously through her... but after that? All my friends are married or not getting married in the near future. Where will I get my next fix? I need a wedding-dealer, I imagine some shady alley where a couple passes me an envelope of cash for me to call vendors and send them swatches.

It's been nearly 10 months since my wedding, I thought I'd be over it, discarding this obsession for a new one. I was wrong. I'm this close to divorcing Mr. GB so we can get re-engaged and I can plan another wedding. Although I imagine people wouldn't come to my second wedding, because it would be obvious I'm mentally unstable. I'm trying to keep that under wraps, you know.

What are other people doing to fulfill their obsession after their wedding?