So, it has been two years since Mr. GB and I said our ridiculous vows and got married. So how have things changed?
we look so sweet!
Well, Mr. GB still lives in constant fear of being kanchoed when going up stairs, so I can safely say our relationship is pretty much the same. We did move from our cute place in Lake Merritt to a larger, cuter place in the Castro... still on the top floor for optimal butt poking opportunities, of course! That's key in the home buying process!! I still put popsicle sticks in cups that he is actively using and leave banana peels on the floor when he's watching me because I know he's going to pick it up... so I'm still a brat and he's still tolerant.
Hm.. all in all, I'm getting a pretty sweet deal, so here's to two years of putting up with my insanity and to many many more!
This is my equivalent to a boudoir photo. Thanks, Lydia!
After the wedding, I had my dress cleaned, put it neatly in a bag, and then threw it on the floor in the back of my closet, heaped into a little pile. I thought I might sell it one day, but Mr. GB is sentimental and doesn't want me to. I'm not attached to much, even cards that I give to Mr. GB I hand to him with the trash bag in hand so that after he reads it, I can toss it. I'm sweet, I know.
Well, when Mr. GB and I decided to move, my friend Lydia exclaimed that she would love to take photos in our soon to be empty flat because the light in the unit is amazing. It's true, the light is very nice, but I hate photos.... but I like Lydia more than I hate photos. Ah, the downside of having friends and people you like, you're willing to do things you dislike in order to make them happy or help them out. Reluctantly, I pulled out my neglected dress, prayed to the heavens that it would fit, and dragged my unwilling body in front of her camera to let her steal my soul.
Although I hate photos of myself, Lydia always manages to make me not look completely stupid, although mildly stupid cannot be helped, and it doesn't hurt that Frances is the cutest dog ever.
Lydia is based here in the bay (east bay!), loves taking photos of happy people (although surly people are also welcome) and is a super sweetheart. She makes me not look like crap and she's a pretty awesome singer for playing Rockband. Lydia Chen Photography
Well, at least I got to wear my dress again for something! I even cleaned the toilet wearing it! And I got that warm tummy feeling when it still fit, going to treat myself to some Bi-Rite Ice Cream for that one!!
If you didn't sell your dress, if you didn't put it into permanent storage or to pass on to another family member, what did you do with your dress?
The one thing we always kept in mind while planning our wedding was the feel. That was the most important thing for us - not how I looked, not the details of the ceremony, we didn't even have a rehearsal or plan a ceremony until about 10 minutes before we went out. We didn't want everything to look meticulously planned, we wanted it to feel like we threw it all together and it just was totally casual and relaxed. That means... all those details we put together, really didn't stand out. But that's what I wanted. I didn't want anyone to feel like our wedding was a museum of amazing little details, I wanted people to sit back and relax as if this was just a normal get together.
So these are how our details came together to create our mellow, laid back atmosphere. No one will ever know how I agonized over every single freakin' detail and searched high and low for the perfect _____ that seemed so easy when on the table.
Remember those pillows that I had my friend/slave sew for me? They went on the benches next to the parasols and the palmier cookies we had put together. They don't know that it took hours the night before for us to prepare these cookies.
Our simple unstemmed wine and water glasses, simple plates and twiggy utensils. I've said before, me and stems = spillage, but I also feel it's mildly comforting to anyone who spills. It's a little more secure, a little more casual to not have stemware. Tiny bowls for salt and pepper with equally tiny spoons... and mind you, that's pink salt. I'm just that crazy, I'm sure no one noticed, but it made a difference in my whacked out brain.
Those simple bird nests on the napkins? Those took people a long time, and a million bags of eggs because this nutty person refused to have ANY yellow eggs and wanted 90% white eggs only... Yes, I had bags and bags of yellow and colored eggs stashed just because I only wanted the white ones from the bags. Still think I'm reasonable? I need to be institutionalized. Thank god someone married me, I'm absolutely ridiculous. my sister, cousin, and my friend who performed the ceremony all slaving away with the eggs early in the morning.
And who could forget the Ann Wood Birds that I gave my left kidney for? And the wire frame pedestals that I had Mr. GB call the manufacturer from the back of a magazine and beg them to sell to us. These were/are things I make him do regularly. We're remodeling our bathroom right now and I made him take back tiles and have new ones overnighted to us because the ones we originally received were matte glazed rather than unglazed. I swear no one else will know, in fact, he won't even be able to tell the difference. But to me, in my mad world, I'd stare at them knowing they weren't the right tiles for however long we lived there. Writing it out I am beginning to realize why my mother was relieved I found someone willing to put up with my crap.
wire pedestals of doom and a bird more birds, but this time, with cake! our menu with calligraphy by Bluebird Studios, can't recommend her enough! So sweet!
And last, but not least, my collection of cake stands, the macarons we hand wrapped the night before, the cake boxes for take-home cake and the kraft bags for taking all those home with you.
Did I get all my ridiculous details that no one but me noticed? I think so. Do you want your guests to see and feel the hard work and effort you put into your wedding, or are you content just knowing they're there?
At the very least, I know sticky fingered Korean woman noticed my details! Noticed them straight into her gigantor purse!
One year and some number of months ago, I got married to my ginger-kid and then didn't talk about it. So here I am, older, not wiser (I may have lost more marbles since there) and trying to piece together my day and share it with you.
I'll spare the details of the cocktail hour, as I was getting changed and apparently Mr. GB was making the rounds talking to everyone. I have no knowledge of what happened, just some photographic evidence of people being happy, eating, drinking, taking photos of themselves....
if you couldn't tell, these girls are who I lived with in Japan, and who actually stayed with us in the hotel the night before and the night of our wedding. That's how Rob and I roll, sleep over with friends on our wedding night!!
We all went down to the lawn to do the usual, toasts and meal. I, of course, walked around to talk to out guests. Mr. GB ate. He did not get up at all, but I don't know if anyone expected him to, he's definitely an eater. me walking and being social, yes, I am reusing this photo because I'm faceless and shy that way My sister, and only bridesmaid, talking about my obsession with corn niblets. I love them and their good, sweet, fake buttery goodness.
Mr. GB's brother, and only groomsman, talking about how Mr. GB was (he still is) a brat.
But what did we do with our free time between food and not-being-social? Play games of course!!! We did have some wi-fi action going on with DS around the table waiting for courses, and I finished Phantom Hourglass. I know, we're lame, we're geeks, and all our friends are too so we're proud of our pale, hermit-like internet obsessed selves. Real human interaction...nooooo!
Beyond playing games at the table, we took the unconventional route in some other ways. For instance, it happened to be the birthday of my best friend from elementary school, and mother of the flower girl and ring bearer. I'd be damned if I tried to push her out of the spotlight on her birthday just because I'm getting married, so we made a point to have everyone sing happy birthday to her. She even got cake before we even cut it. Now that I think about it, where the hell did that cake slice come from?
cakey goodness!
Another was our seating arrangement. Most people opt to either sit with family, their bridal party, or alone. Mr. GB and I decided to sit smack dab in the middle of one of the two really long tables surrounded by friends. Our families sat on opposite ends of the other table, mostly to shield my friends and Mr. GB's family from my boisterous nutty Korean family. While I love my family, Mr. GB and I wanted to sit with our friends and chat, play games, and let the families do whatever they wanted. In Mr. GB's family's case, that was socialize and enjoy being at a wedding. For my family, this was an excute to get together and par-tay! That and get souvenirs! I caught one old Korean woman, who I never actually met, stuffing as many bird nests as she could fit into her bag... so maybe they also were there to profit! I was warned about the sticky fingers of middle aged Korean women, but I didn't believe it until now! In a few years, I too will be able to steal from public places and events with no remorse, and I look forward to my perm and people just shaking their heads at the crazy Korean woman over there.
For now, I leave you with this photo of me from the front being happy and not making a stupid face for once in my life.
Mr. GB and I are that couple. That couple that your kids love to see because our house is filled to the brim with candy and has all the coolest toys. We buy them whatever they want, spoil them rotten, and then send them home pouting and saying "but THEY let me do _____!! How come you're not as cool as they are!?" Mr. GB claims he's going to designate a wall in our house as the "art" wall, where he'll let the kids draw all over it and send them home with the supplies to make art at their own house. wrong wrong wrong!
However, we don't want children of our own. It comes as a shock to most our friends and family, and they've been hearing it for years, but still believe we'll change our mind. We have our reasons, usually we like to lightheartedly say "Can you imagine Mr. GB's HUGE nose on my tiny featured face? We can't have children knowing they'd have to go through life with a face like that!" Sometimes I say "because it hurts. a lot." But honestly, we have many real reasons for our decision, many of which are easily dismissed with "just wait, you'll come around."
As we've been married longer and more people around us are having kids, most of our friends don't bother, they figure it'll happen eventually. But strangers/people we're not as close to think there is actually something psychologically, emotionally wrong with me. I'm a soul-less monster and a disgrace as a woman for not wanting children. I should be handing in my vagina and resigning. They have even taken it as an attack on them that we don't want children, they get defensive and angry.
I'm still young, they say, and it's true. I'm not yet 30, but I've known for a long time that this is what I want. Mr. GB also agrees with me, he doesn't want children and he's happy being that guy with the cool stuff.
Other than flailing about and yelling "My uterus! My decision!" I'm at a loss as to what to say anymore. Mr. GB and I support and are genuinely excited for our friends who have kids or want them. But how do we get people to even just accept our decision, even if they don't agree or understand, but just trust that we know what is best for us?
It's been a really long time since I've posted, but I swear I have something relevant to post about.
Something you may or may not know is that during the entire 18 months that we planned our wedding, (we planned for a hella* long time) Mr. GB was unemployed. I have mentioned that he did as much planning as I did, he was at every meeting, did every craft with me, and was actually the point of contact for all our vendors. Well, he had no freakin' excuse not to be there because he didn't have anywhere else to be! But seeing as our wedding was no longer able to rely on Mr. GB having any regular income, we blew our budget on buying our home (and decorating, because I can't stop myself) and our wedding.
That meant no honeymoon. Instead, we went on our mini-moon to Tokyo to visit friends, get a post-nuptial puppy**, and eat. Mainly eat. Eat things to make me gain the pounds that I'm supposed to gain over the next 40 years of marriage in about a week. No point in hiding what Mr. GB would have to lie next to for the rest of his life, I'll all about ruing the mystique early. Like peeing with the door open, I generally do that within a week of dating someone... usually when they're brushing their teeth and can't escape. I know, I'm so romantic.
People seemed to pity us and kept telling us they felt bad we weren't going on a honeymoon. They felt terrible asking where we were going, only to find out we weren't going anywhere. We got a lot of those "oh.... but... you'll have PLENTY of time later!" comments trying to throw out a ladder of sunshine from the deep ditch they felt they had fallen into.
Honestly, I can't imagine having done it any other way. Yes, I admit, the idea of being whisked off to some far off destination immediately after the wedding is enchanting, but... I was also very very tired and lazy. After over 1.5 years of marriage, a vacation was just what we needed. We've had a rough year of bad luck and terrible life events, and the excitement of wedding planning gone and the day to day work life set in, it was a really welcome vacation to just get away from it all. It was perfect timing.
We spent half the the time in London and Paris, where I shopped and went crazy seeing friends, and the other half was Mr. GB's trip, where we went to Santorini and did absolutely nothing. Except eat. Mr. GB has always dreamed of going to Greece, and his dreams mostly consisted of floating pieces of lamb, feta, and olives swirling around him.
pre-breakfast cat visit
I honestly believe the highlight of our trip was the friendly group of Oia animals that lived on the island. In the evenings, friendly dogs would just follow us around the street, and we had more than one breakfast with kitties begging for turkey. I happily obliged, as I missed my pets and.. well, I didn't need that much turkey. Our FAVORITE animal was dubbed "pooter cat". As the name suggests, pooter cat had some serious gas. He'd coming in and immediately fart. He also had a nerve disorder, so half his face drooped into a perma-scowl. It only enhanced his awesomeness. Maybe other couples would have thrown out stank cat, but his friendliness and relaxed nature (by which I mean relaxed in passing gas a LOT) made him a welcome addition to our vacation.
Well, we're back and ready to face both of us being in "crunch" at work, being mid-escrow on the purchase of our new home... and trying to either rent or sell our current place (still working on that). The stress we returned to seems a little more tolerable.
The moral of the story is, you don't need to take an immediate honeymoon. In fact, I feel like it really meant more to us now than it would have if we had gone right away. And also to have a truly amazing marriage and honeymoon, you should pee with the door open with a farting cat walking around your suite.
*just in case you forgot I was a NorCal bee. **yes, we already own three puppies, but how can this not make up for a lack of honeymoon??
