"Body Modification" or "Issues of a Freak"

I'm not tattooed all over my body and hanging myself from hooks, but I've got a little bit of color on my skin and a whole lot of mini holes. I've managed to keep the worst of it a secret from my family, mostly thanks to their own denial that they have a freakish daughter, and partially out of my paranoid that my EXTREMELY conservative family would flip out.

I'm now having a few problems with this side of my life in regards to the wedding:

1. I managed to hide my.. er.. body piercings from my mother when I was trying on gowns for the first time. There was a point where she peeked in and I had to scramble to cover them, but I think in combination with her denial, the complete lack of knowledge that you can pierce/tattoo parts like that, and the quickness of the coverage, they didn't register. So, now at the fittings and at the actual wedding, how will I cover it? I can't wear a bra because my gown is backless, in fact, I can't wear much of anything when I'm crawling into the dress... is it better to tell them now in warning, or forego that moment when my mother is helping me get into a dress and grab the dress and run into the bathroom to put it on?

2. I have gigantic ear holes from when I stretched out my lobes.

See that hole? MASSIVE. Do I ignore it and use the second hole? Order something custom made to fit? I certainly don't want to close it because it hurt a ridiculous amount to get it that large and I like them, but I'm lost as to what to do about them.

3. I don't want to completely ignore this side of my life for the wedding. Since the engagement, I have grown my hair out naturally and let the brown just be... but prior to then, I had neon pink hair for years. Is there any way to merge the alternative crazy Miss Gummi Bear with the vintage loving home maker totally normal looking Miss Gummi Bear? My friend, and stylist, says he wants to slice and dye my hair between the wedding and the ceremony. I'd do it if I thought it was possible, but I don't know anywhere you can get a portable sink for bleaching and dying!

Anyone else a freak like me and have more creative ways of dealing with these issues?